Carmex, Hand Sanitizer, & Salad Dressing
Travels Completed (for now)
(warning: this post is a wee bit sarcastic and moderately funny due to intense jet-lag. Read at your own risk)
We touched down on a beautiful Venetian morning at 8:30 a.m. Wednesday. When you fly into Venice, the old city is just outside the right passenger window where one can easily discern buildings, squares, and canals. It was a balmy 72 degrees which was quite a beautiful change from our Phoenician departure of 265 149. We had 8 suitcases (each weighing 50 pounds) and 4 carry-ons (Another 500 lbs. — ok, I’m exaggerating a little — about my carry-on).
We were delayed in Philly an hour and a half after pushing back from the gate early. It so happened that when we were 5th to take-off, a man fainted in the airplane and caused a medical emergency. We had to pull out of line and head back to the gate. This was an interesting experience to watch unfold. The man had taken a couple sleeping pills and decided to wash them down with a couple cocktails at the bar (must’ve hated flying more than I do — try it with children!). With his personalized and customized drug-induced coma, the man couldn’t buckle his seat belt and the flight attendants couldn’t find a pulse on the guy. One burly attendant picked the guy up and suplexed him to the floor which began to revive the man. The EMT’s came. The pilot kicked the guy off the plane. A depressed baggage handler had to find the guy’s luggage (which was probably the most work). The police visited our plane too. Fuel and oxygen had to be replenished… yada yada…
The second to the worst part of this ordeal was that the man was sitting on the emergency exit aisle. The incident happened just after the attendants announced, “If you’re seated on an emergency exit aisle and do not feel that you can adequately handle the responsibility of the exit doors, please inform a flight attendant immediately.” Oh, and the worst part about this ordeal was that our children were sleeping while we were still on the ground consuming up valuable sleep-time. All parents know that you want sleeping kids while in the air! Jessi was a maniac for the first four-hour flight to Philly and one of the men near us saw how exhaused we were and decided that we needed to be patronized. Getting Jessi’s attention he says, “How do you have so much energy? You haven’t stopped yet. Where do you get all of that energy?” So I shared one of Jessi’s strawberry PowerBars with him — ya, right.
Forty minutes after our ascent and the sun’s descent, Reilly awoke and said for the first of a thousand times, “Daddy, are we almost to Italy?”
Things Not to Take on an Airplane
When traveling, I usually carry the most stuff. Well, the most threatening stuff that would require more searching & inspecting. (BTW, at the rate the world’s going, we’re only going to be able to travel in our underwear in men’s and women’s sections on the planes — and that may even be too dangerous b/c some guy will inevitably invent exploding boxers.) However, it’s Sandy that usually always gets searched. It must be her shifty eyes.
Yesterday, they pulled apart her purse in Phoenix and took away her Carmex and Hand Sanitizer. Chapped lips are a pain, but don’t take away the sanitizer when we’re travelling with kids. This can be a bio-medical threat! So now, I’m thinking that there’s some strange concoction of Carmex and sanitizer at 2 fluid ounces that can threaten a 767.
This is nothing like the guy we encountered when flying out of Denver a couple weeks ago. For 5 days, the news had been informing people, “No liquids, bottles, containers, lipstick, etc. etc.” When we got to DIA, the loud-speakers, big new signs, ticket agents, and security guards informed us of the same. Finally, we arrive at the security check-point and the guards selected the guy’s bag in front of us. They abruptly opened the bourse and pulled out a bottle of Wishbone Italian salad dressing. Sandy and I looked at each other in total disbelief. I wanted to see the authorities make the guy drink it to see if it was ok. What possessed this guy to think that a tube of lipstick wasn’t going to get on the airplane but his big ole’ bottle of lettuce flavoring would is beyond me. Hey, at least it was Italian (which, by the way, cannot be found in Italy because Italians don’t use bottled dressings — and is a funny look on American faces when they come here and discover this fact and are left with only olive oil and vinegar. We like that look; we’re a bit twisted.)
I received a great article about Italy and its culture that I’ll put in a separate post in a couple days. It’s worth the read (in contrast to this post). Also, I repaired the link to “Rob’s book wishlist”. Can one or two of you test it to see if the script is working right and let me know? Grazie.
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Well I was quite humored by this post! Maybe because I was an eye witness to the 900+ lbs. of luggage. sorry to hear of your unusual delay in Philly and wonder too what kind of explosive carmex and handsanitizer can make. I,m sure both Reilly and Jessi are glad to be home but we sure do miss them already Love Grandma
Comment by L. Krause — 8/26/2006 @ 7:38 am
Remind me never to fly with you guys. hehehe
Comment by Joe — 9/12/2006 @ 11:54 pm